You're Not Alone

I have to remind myself that I'm Not Alone. As a stay-at-home mom, sometimes it just feels like...your kids are the only kids out there that act like this; no one else is going through what you're going through; and if you say something to anyone about how you feel than the illusion of being perfect is lost. Well, that's how I feel sometimes. It's good to have a friend who you can call late at night crying just because you've reached your breaking point and don't know if you're a good mom, bad mom or just plain screwy.

I've had a few trying days with Dylan, the two and half year old. Actually, he just went to bed at 11:30 p.m. Why so late? I've been trying to get him to bed since 9 p.m.! It's just been a battle. I finally hit that emotional wall of not knowing if what I was doing was causing him to think that I didn't care for him. All he wanted to do was go to my bed. I would put him back in his bed and 30 seconds later he was making a break for my room like an escaped prisoner heading for the hills. I have a feeling that part of this is jealousy over his little brother. From his perspective, Devin is always in mommy's bed. He even tells me when it's time to go take a nap or for bed that Devin needs to go in his crib. He doesn't understand that Devin does sleep in his crib all night, but I have to nurse him first and usually wait until both are asleep before I put him in the crib. Then when he wakes up at 6 a.m., I take him to my bed to nurse him and we both fall back to sleep. So when Dylan wakes up, everyone is mommy's bed and he's missing out on all the fun. Plus, Devin does nap with me only because I am nursing him and it's easier that way.

Does any of that make sense? This is only part of my battles lately, but this is what pushed me to the edge. I was struggling with the idea that maybe with all the disciplining, the short fuse I've had lately, and the attention that I give to Devin that maybe Dylan didn't think I loved him. The way he would cry after I put him to bed and left the room sure made me feel that way. All of those crazy thoughts caused me to make that tearful phone call to my friend while Dylan and I sat on the couch in the dark. You never know if you should make that kind of a call. I debated with myself for a while. But I remembered that she made a call to me like that a long, long, long time ago. So I knew that she would be receptive and supportive. And she was that and more.

It's good to have a friend who's going through maybe not the exact same thing as you but is able to take her life experiences to show you that you're not alone in this thing. We're both stay-at-home moms with two young kids, and she was able to relate to everything that I was telling her. She didn't have all the answers. And who does? But she gave me sound, godly advice. The most important thing that she gave me was a non-judgemental, sympathetic ear to let me know that I'm the best mother for these two boys and that I'm not alone in this daily struggle of raising kids.

I just want to tell her, "Thanks." I feel a lot better and am thankful that I have her to call on at all (reasonable) hours of the night. Everyone needs that one friend that they can call on for help. What? You say you don't have that kind of friend. Yes, you do. Just talk to God. Does that sound super religious. Oh well, it's true. Talk it out to Him and He'll give you the answer. And pray for a friend who you'll be able to lean on when you need to. He'll send you one for sure. But remember: in order to get friends, you have to be a friend.

Night!